Obligatory Mother's Day Post

I always underestimate the impact Mother's Day will have on me. I can be found in the week leading up to Mother's Day walking around the house, shrugging my shoulders, telling myself I don't really care for the holiday. 

And then I wake up on Sunday and I suddenly remember why I love Mother's Day. Not because of the breakfast in bed, though that was a nice perk.

But because I get the chance to reflect on my choice to be a mom, and think about the ways my kids have forever changed me.

There are many eloquent quotes on the joys of having children, but I oddly fell in love with this one by comedian Jim Gaffigan on why he has so many kids (5):

"Well, why not? I guess the reasons against having more children always seemed uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life … each one of them has been a pump of light into my shriveled black heart."

Like the comedian, my kids have brought me endless joy, and are helping me become the person I want to be, but I will admit, being a mother is not second nature to me most of the time. I often stare at my kids in confusion as I slowly back away trying to decide how to react to their latest shenanigans.

It's my boys' shenanigans and other unexpected motherhood moments that leave me often feeling unqualified as their mother. Until I heard this quote from a letter written by a young mother to Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Maybe it is precisely our inability and anxiousness that urge us to reach out to our Heavenly Father and enhance His ability to reach back to us. Maybe He secretly hopes we will be anxious,” she said, “and will plead for His help. Then, I believe, He can teach these children directly, through us, but with no resistance offered. I like that idea.”

It is -- no doubt -- my cluelessness and anxiety over raising two little boys that often brings me to my knees in utter despair. But it's neat to think maybe I feel that way so that Heavenly Father can work through me to raise His two little boys the way He knows they need to be raised.

So I'm yet again finding myself reflective on Mother's Day. Loving the opportunity to be a mom. Loving the ways my boys have helped me grow into a better person with a heart that's not quite so black. Loving the chance to see Heavenly Father work through me to raise His children. And looking back at the way I was raised with a new appreciation of the patience, love, and continued guidance my mom gave me.

Happy Mother's Day!