The Hardest Thing About Being a Mom

is burping my baby.

No one warned me. I heard breastfeeding might hurt. I heard about the thousands of diapers I would have to change. I heard about how tired I would be. But no one warned me about baby gas. So I feel it is my duty to warn the possible future mothers reading my blog that they should prepare now for the woes of baby tummy bubbles.

I didn't believe in burping Eli my first couple weeks as a mother. I didn't (and still don't) understand the concept of why they can't burp on their own. I think I believed burping your child was an old wives' tale - just something people unnecessarily do. Jeff started getting mad at me when he realized I would only pat Eli's back for about one minute and then put him down to sleep. In fact, sleep took priority over the gas bubbles during Eli's first week - leaving my neglectfulness somewhat unnoticed.

Then he got less sleepy and more gassy. I quickly learned burping really is a very necessary part of having an infant. If Eli has even the tiniest gas bubble, he will scream in excruciating pain. This is now an all too frequent scene in our house:

I feed Eli, burp him until he burps and then I burp him at least five minutes after that. Play with him for 30 minutes to an hour and then the crying begins.

Eli: WAAAAAAAAAA

Jeff: He's probably just tired.

Me: Yeah. He's been up a while. I bet he's tired.

I try to rock him to sleep.

Eli: WAAAAAAAAAA

Me: He can't still be hungry.

Jeff: Do you think he's sick?

Eli: WAAA WAAA WAAAAAAAA

Me: Jeff, why don't you try to burp him again.

Jeff pats Eli's back for a while. Eli calms down but is still crying.

Me: I bet he is just tired. Let me try to rock him again.

Eli: WAAAAAA

Jeff: I'll go change his diaper. That's probably what's bugging him.

Eli: WAAAAAA

Jeff picks Eli up from a diaper change only to finally wiggle the tiny burp out of our baby. Eli then falls fast asleep.

A burp is a hard thing to detect. I never suspect it to be his issue an hour after a feeding. I'm quickly learning that 9 times out of 10 with our kid his problem is typically a stored up belch. Dealing with his burps during the day are okay. It's the night burps that are the most difficult.

Eli and I go through our feeding routine. He's been falling back asleep pretty good at night now so I'll lay him in his crib. Just as I crawl back into bed and think something like, "Oh wow! That only took thirty minutes this time," I'll hear a little whimper from the next room followed by an ear piercing scream. After twenty minutes of patting Eli's back, the stubborn burp finally reveals itself.

I hesitate to share this genius business idea, but I spend most of my days now trying to come up with an invention that can somehow effectively burp a child without giving that child shaken baby syndrome. It's a work in progress, but when you see the infomercial, know that it was my idea.

For a while the only thing that kept me going was the thought that this whole burping thing would only last a couple months. I figured babies have got to figure out how to burp on their own somehow. I don't have anyone patting my back when I get a gas bubble. Then I saw my sister-in-law burping her one year old after a feeding. This is going to be a long year.