Embarrassing Mom-ents

You know, I could crop this picture and you wouldn't see the weirdness that is the blanket Eli decided I needed on my legs before he would agree to take the picture. But what fun is that? Here are some of my favorite stories as of late that are as un-cropped as this picture.

The other day the boys were repeatedly calling Lincoln up to their room in a very kind, enticing, and inviting way, and then as soon as he got up there, they slammed the door on him and then shoved their bodies against the door to ensure his exclusion while giggling ferociously.

I caught the scene on the Lincoln side of things and saw him excitedly run upstairs to finally be included with the big boys only to be reminded of his baby status as a swift door-in-the-face reminded him of his rank.

I demanded the older boys let me in and I explained to them how it felt for Lincoln to be stuck on the wrong side of the door. How sad that makes him. How unfair it is. How it's important to include people. How Lincoln just loves them and wants to be with them. How they need to be better brothers. How they know better than that. It went on and on until they finally agreed to let Lincoln in their room.

To which I walked down the hall. Went in my room. Closed the door. And locked it.

Lincoln and Carson were arguing for the however-many-days-it's-been-of-summer-tienth time about the color of the plates I would be distributing for lunch.
Carson: "I WANT THE BLUE ONE!"
Lincoln: "IIIIIII want blue one!"
Carson: "YOU don't get the BLUE ONE!!!! I GET THE BLUE ONE!"
You get it. This goes on for every second of the 5 minutes I am getting them lunch. Along with Carson changing what color plate he wants and making rotating plate assignments of grand confusion.

I encourage them to stop in tones much harsher than they probably needed to be, but I was so D-O-N-E with this 3-times-a-day argument. The screaming continued at even higher decibels.

As the arguing got to a point I could no longer Lamaze through, I finally broke and said, "I will give you NO LUNCH and you can GO HUNGRY the rest of the day!"

To which I immediately heard an unfamiliar grown voice say, "Is your mom here?"

While the middle boys were screaming at each other, Eli had unbeknownst to me opened the door to a 50-something-year-old real estate agent trying to get me to sell my parents' house and he had undoubtedly heard my empty threat to starve my kids (though he had no reason to believe it was an empty threat). Hashtag mom goals.

On a related "note." Here's another favorite:

We had just gotten a CD about trucks and tractors from the library that the kids LOVED. I went to put Lincoln down for a nap one day and as I was leaving he requested I sing "Dizzy Lizzy" a broadway-esque song about a snow plow.

I must admit, I had grown to love the CD as well, and I was feeling quite energetic at the thought of nap time within reach, so I decided to ham up his special request.

"Diiiiiiiiizzzzzyyyyy Liiiiiiiiizzzzzzyyyyyy, Dizzy LIZ! The GREATest LADY IN show BIZ!"

The trick with Lincoln is to walk out of his room while you're singing his goodnight song, so I start inching towards the door only to hear unfamiliar voices.

I immediately halted what had turned into a song and dance and cautiously peeked over the banister to the front door. There stood a mom I had just met who immediately spotted me and gave me a friendly wave. I told her to hold on just a minute while I got Lincoln fully settled in bed.

I took a few seconds to accept she had most definitely heard at least a portion of my performance and then I sheepishly reemerged as we both knowingly looked at each other.

She then asked if her boy could play for an hour because she needed to teach a class that afternoon. What was the class she was teaching, you ask?

Voice lessons.