A Day in the Life

One look at my Instagram account is all it would take to tell you I'm faaaaaaaaaairly obsessed with my children and think they are the most adorable things in the entire universe.

However, once in a blue moon, or more appropriately, once in a super moon, they turn into life-sucking pint-sized vampires who leave no survivors and spend the majority of their days in destruction mode. Now don't get me wrong, I still love the fanged, scarier alter egos of my offspring but mostly just for the stories of horror they provide for the blog.

Here's the thing, I just finished up my third blog book (yipee!), and I've done a good job at making our lives seem peachy and perfect. It left me with this fear that my now vampire-esque children may one day look back and say, "Mom! You had it so easy with us!" And that's when I'll pull this little nugget of chaos out from the records to show them just how lemonade-sippingly easy raising them was.

Our days always start promising. The boys wake with puffy eyes, shuffling into our bedroom and climbing into bed with us one by one. There's giggling. Smiles. Ahhh. "Today will be a good day." I assure myself. And then it starts.

"Pancakes." Carson says playfully.
"You want pancakes?" Jeff replies, pretending to be shocked, because this is a daily request.
"PANCAKES!!!! PANCAKES! PAAAAAAAANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I immediately jump out of bed to prevent the rage of a hungry Carson to spiral further out of control. We race downstairs to whip up some pancakes. Eli wanders down to follow us putting in his never wavering order of Honey Bunches of Oats.

"MILK!" Eli yells at me just as I get him his cereal. This happens every day. Like he thinks I will forget his day cannot start without his morning dose of calcium. I go to grab the cups, sure to grab one blue one because Eli refuses to quench his thirst by any other color.

"IIIIIIIIIIIII get the blue one!!!!" Shouts Eli. Again, demanding his obvious requests, that no longer needs to be requested because they have become a reflex for me.
"No. IIIII get blue one!" Carson says back.

Here's the thing about Carson. He totally knows how to get under your skin. He doesn't care what color cup he has, he only says, "I get blue one!" Because he KNOWS Eli will throw a hissy fit at the mere threat of him trespassing on Eli's blue cup territory. So Carson starts this fight. Every. Morning. Starting as a kind of joke, but then he becomes converted to his blue cup cause and it becomes a quickly escalated brotherly brawl.

Eli starts crying immediately, "NOOOOOO CARSON! The blue cup is MINE!"
"Mine." Short and sweet is his reply. He has Eli right where he wants him.
"MOM! He thinks heeeeeeeeeeeee's going to get the blue cup! Waaaaah waaaaaah waaaaah!"

I top the cups off with milk and shove the blue cup over to Eli before another word can be screamed. Carson isn't even upset by the injustice that he never gets his turn with the blue cup despite his daily battle for it. Proving my theory that he battles for the sole purpose of getting a rise out of the quick-to-erupt Eli.

I present Carson with his fresh, hot pancake, and just as I turn around to get my breakfast, this dialogue plays out:
Carson, "My chair!"
Eli, "No. This is MY chair, Carson!"
Carson, with a smile, "My chair."
Eli melts into a frustrated ball of dysfunction, "He thinks that's his chair!"

Unaware of what they are even arguing about, I try to hash it out with them, only to discover they are each arguing that they are each sitting in their own chair. ????? So even sitting in their own chairs at breakfast has managed to bring them both to tears by the end of the quarrel.

It is by this point I already need my first retreat from the day -- a shower. Where I hear the bickering continue, but I pretend to be oblivious. I get out to find that someone has been hit, toys have been stolen, something is broken, and that bowl of cereal I should have cleaned up before I got in the shower is now covering the rug in my living room as Carson gleefully tells me it "rained cereal." Cool.

In an effort to get Eli motivated for the day, I'll say something like, "Eli! Get your clothes on, buddy and we can go to the park!" To which he'll shout back, "I don't WANT to go to the PARK! I don't want NOBODY to go to the PARK!" And then he'll continue to play with his makeshift Transformers while I get ready.

Carson will come in and punch me, more and more frequently the more bored he becomes. Then he'll start snatching my mascara and running off with it while unscrewing the lid. If I can finally get him interested in his own toys, I may be able to apply a little bit of the mascara he kept trying to run off with.

A quick clean of the house, and the grueling daily attempt to leave the house begins. "Eli, you need to get your clothes on so we can go, please."
"NO!" He'll snap back.
"I guess Carson and I will have to go without you."
Silence. He's learned the art of sniffing out my empty threats. So that leads me to open the garage door for theatrical effect.

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I WANT TO GO! I'M COMING!!!!!" And that's the only way to get Eli dressed in the mornings.

As my overdue second moment of serenity in the day, we head out for a walk, or an errand. This is absolutely critical. If we don't leave the house, the rest of our day is like out morning only 128x the screaming and whining.

There is happiness and smiling and giggly jabbering throughout our walk. So long as Eli isn't rubbing his feet on Carson's head, or Carson isn't shoving his shoes into the wheels of the stroller. Bliss. If we stop at a park, the happiness continues. They're even pretty good at jumping back into the stroller upon request when it's time to leave. Then we head home.

Eli always does this snazzy little move as we turn down our street where he steadily stands up on his seat on the stroller -- while I'm still pushing it full force -- and then shoots himself out of his seat onto a patch of grass as if he had pushed an evacuation button that was activated by that same stretch of sidewalk each time we passed it. He runs along side me to keep up, as I up my pace to hopefully convince him next time to just stay put. It hasn't worked yet.

We get back and they always want to ride bikes out front, but we rarely have time since we usually get back just in time for lunch. I open the garage and we all race inside -- the boys for their bikes and me for the garage button so I can shut the door before they can escape. I usually win.

Screaming. Crying. Gnashing of teeth if they are unsuccessful in their race against the garage door. Then comes the biggest battle of the day. The battle of who gets to close the door to the garage. Both boys walk in and give each other a stare down, with the door leading out to the garage gaping open. Eli makes his move and with a swift kick slams the door shut. He proudly proclaims, "I closed it."

"I CLOSE ITTTT!!!!!" Screams Carson. Zero to crazy person in .3 seconds. Drops to the ground, fists shaking, voice quivering, 2-year old rage oozing from his core.
"Sorry Carson. I already closed it." Eli says matter-of-factly, perhaps in an effort to gain his revenge for the blue cup battle of breakfast.
"I-I-I-I-I-I CLOSE IT!!!!!" Carson's sobs become gaspy and inconsolable. Meanwhile, I'm staring in disbelief, still trying to understand what the heck is going on. I go down to open the door again so Carson can satisfy his door closing urges. He immediately snaps out of it, reaches for the door, slams it shut, and our day can continue.

I shlep up some bowls of cottage cheese, Ritz crackers and maybe an apple. Eli screams he doesn't want the cheese. Carson throws his apples across the kitchen. Carson, without fail, at every meal drops his fork on the ground, completely loaded with food that ricochets off his utensil upon hitting the floor, and then he whines for five minutes about needing to pick it up before he will accept the fact that he has to pick the dang thing up himself. Everybody's tired and grumpy.

We do a much needed quiet time that is sometimes quiet but usually not. Everyone's supposed to be in their room for either about an hour if they don't fall asleep, or however long until they wake up. Carson has no problem blatantly ignoring every rule of quiet time without caution. That's worthy of a whole different blog post. Eli actually enjoys his time to himself.

Then we do a show, get ready for dinner, and Jeff is thankfully home to help simmer out the rest of the earth shattering disputes.

As I suspected, this is all a lot funnier to me now that it's written out. Writing has a way of helping me squeeze out the humor in otherwise irritating situations. It also helps me to see this is probably just an ornery streak we are in that will likely pass like the previous ornery streaks we've been through.

That being said, I would like this streak to pass as quickly as possible. Our main issue is the constant bickering and whining. Is this an age-old question? How do you get it to stop???!? I have lost all tolerance for whining. My kids' main form of communication as of late is grumpy grunts or high pitched screeches. Am I doomed to a life of fighting over who gets to slam the door shut? Have you found something that works for these seemingly insignificant sibling rivalries? At least tell me I'm not the only one dealing with these kinds of outbursts.

Help. My Instagram account is sure to suffer until I get my happy kids back. :)

Preschool Predicament

There's this strange thing that's been happening now that Eli is approaching preschool age. Everyone lately has been asking me, "Where is Eli going to preschool?"
"Ummm....I don't know." I hesitantly reply. Because here's the thing. I wasn't planning on putting Eli in preschool. At all.

I can hear you gasping from here.

Here's the thing that gets me. It's not like the question is, "Are you putting Eli in preschool?" It's always "WHERE is Eli going for preschool?" Like it's unheard of to not put your kid in preschool. Like your kid won't stand a chance in school if he didn't experience the socializing and kick-started education that comes only within the preschool realm.

But I am not sold on preschool. Especially when people are paying $65 A MONTH -- which I am reassuringly told is super cheap? I won't even pay $8 a month for Netflix, guys.

Despite my strong convictions against preschool, I naturally started getting paranoid about the life decisions I was making on behalf of Eli. I started thinking, Eli's so behind! He doesn't even know the alphabet! He will never be ready for Kindergarten! I'm failing as a mother! He needs the best education possible! Will Child Protective Services show up if Eli's not enrolled in Preschool?!? Because I have this feeling we are already on their watch list ever since Carson went to church looking like this (black eye, bruised forehead, burned hand. All separate incidences).

So much to worry about.

To ease my worries and my guilt, I started a little something called "Mommy School." Which I later realized should be renamed to "Eli School," but "Mommy School" already stuck so that's what we are going with. Every Monday I have been introducing Eli to a new letter. We color the letter and stick it up on the fridge. Then all week long we find that letter every time we read books together. Sometimes I may throw in a craft. Sometimes we may do an activity. But my goal is to have some kind of school time with Eli every day for about 30 minutes (give or take depending on his attention span) -- focusing on one letter of the alphabet each week.

So far it's worked like a charm! The first week, Eli had a hard time finding the "A"s all day on Monday, but by Tuesday he found them right away. By Friday he was searching all around the house for "A"s on decorations, on our clothes, or on cereal boxes. It was so fun to see him learn and to know that I had taught him!

I ventured into crafting for "A" week. We made an airplane. Eli loved it, and I love my time with him during "Mommy School."

Now if I can only figure out how to get him to pay me the $65/month tuition these other preschool teachers are getting...

Are you a preschool advocate? What is the draw? Why should I preschool? And at age 3? I'm not completely closed off to preschool. I'm just mostly opposed to the price. Tell me everything you know.

Fabric Store Fiasco

It seemed like I had the odds in my favor.

Eli was being happy and chatty. Carson slept in late. Everyone was in a relatively happy mood. So I ventured out to Hobby Lobby to pick up some fabric.

My children *cough* Eli *cough* have a history of being wild indians in Hobby Lobby. Something about Hobby Lobby unleashes their deviousness leaving my only chance of a successful shopping experience possible if all our conditions are favorable.

I had favorable conditions today. So I took the chance.

I got Eli out of the car. He obediently ran straight to the sidewalk and stood patiently with his arms folded while I got Carson out. Victory number one.

We walked into the store. The true test. Will Eli take off never to be seen again? Will he scream at the sight of the carts? Will he drop to the floor, kicking and screaming for no apparent reason? These have all happened. But they did not happen today. He politely waited his turn for a cart. Pulled his chosen cart out for me to put Carson in, and we made our way to the fabric. Victory number two.

I held my breath as we passed the display of overpriced toys and candy. Eli picked one up before I had time to steer him away. Before he got too attached I said, "Okay Eli. You can play with that while we are in the store, but you have to put it back before we leave." "Okay." He happily responded. Three victories in 5 minutes. This was some kind of record.

I went to find the fabric I needed. Gone. Grrrrr. Deep breath. The kids are being good. I told myself. We can go to a store just down the road to pick up what I need.

U-turn. Back past the toys and candy. Quick drop-off of the loot Eli had been lugging around the store, we were in and out as quickly as a burglar in the night. No screaming. No nothing. But what I didn't realize then, was that our swift exit from Hobby Lobby would be the last victory of my day.

Because then we went to Hancock Fabric.

Eli ran in and found the candy immediately. Why must these fabric stores torment mothers with candy down at toddler level? It's cruel and effective. Because I told Eli he could pick out one piece of candy.

With sucker in hand, we picked up the fabric I needed. We made our way to the cut table, quick on time because I could sense everyone's patience was running thin. There was one person in front of us.

Eli bolted down an aisle as soon as I stopped the cart at the cutting table. Then he came back and tried to crawl through a little hole in the middle of the cutting table. Then he tried to open all the cupboards under the cutting table.

The lady in front of me smiled like, Oh. Poor you. You have your hands full with that one.

Then Eli started running laps around one of the aisles. Carson and the baby of the lady in front of us started laughing hysterically at Eli's antics. So the antics continued as Eli would give us side smiles and mischievous looks.

I smiled as I tried to decide if it was time to intervene, or if I should just let this whole scene play out and hope it doesn't evolve into a show of defiance.

I let it play out a little longer. Until Eli became a human avalanche as he ran with one hand grazing the thread aisle, sending spools of thread bouncing throughout the whole store.

"Hey Eli!" I said as calmly as I could. "Why don't you come over here and play my phone?!?"

With his sucker still clutched in one hand and a stray spool of thread in the other, he looked at me like that was the dumbest idea he's ever heard. "NO!" He screamed. "Eli," I continued, trying to persuade him, "remember the fun spelling game you love? Don't you want to spell cat?!?"

He ran. Defeat number one.

He continued doing laps. Losing more control over his body with each step. But we were still doing alright because my fabric was cut, folded and just needed to be bought. "Okay Eli! Let's go! Should we go buy your sucker now?"

He skipped towards me bopping between the aisles the whole way. I looked at Carson for the first time since we had been there and noticed he was starting to get a little restless. When I looked back up, Eli was standing at the door to leave. Sucker in hand. And he was eyeing me with a smirk on his face that I know all too well.

It was the smirk that says, Mom. I'm about to do something I know you're not going to like. But I'm going to do it anyway. So let's see how this all plays out. It should be a lot of fun. 

My eyes bugged out of my head. Remain calm. Remain calm. I told myself. He can sense fear. Don't move too fast and startle him. I felt like I was detonating a bomb and/or staring into the eyes of a cheetah. One wrong move and I was a goner.

I began sternly, "Eli. If you walk out that..." Swoosh. Before I could fully devise my plan of action he was out the door. Defeat number two.

I left Carson behind to run after my crazed escape artist who was giggling through the whole pursuit. I snatched him up and ripped the sucker out of his hand. "No sucker for you." I said. Tasting the sweet revenge of those words coming out of my mouth.

Then the volcano of a tantrum erupted. I believe he was hanging upside-down, kicking his legs and waving his arms by the time I made it back into the store. I tried to pay quickly while Eli was throwing punches at my face, "MY SUCKER!!!!! I WANTED THAT! THAT WAS MIIIIIIIIINE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Tears. Screaming. Pain. Anguish.

Meanwhile...I got a tap on the shoulder. Which was hard to decipher between the kicks and punches I was also getting in the same general area.

"Um. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I...um...I just moved your son to the basket because he was standing up in the shopping cart and he was about to fall out." Whoops. Maybe I forgot about Carson amid my high speed chase. Maybe I was trying so hard not to drop squirming Eli on his head that I didn't realize Carson was about to plummet to his own self-inflicted head drop. Defeat number three.

Where is my invisibility cloak when I need it?

I can handle having two kids. I promise I really can. So long as there are nice strangers nearby to help me parent them when I am losing my mind.

I dragged Eli all the way to the car. More kicking, screaming, pain and anguish. I tried to get him in his carseat. He boarded his body, making buckling impossible. I shut the door and put Carson in. Back to Eli. Who had now climbed into the back of the car and had started giggling at his attempt to outsmart me. I opened the back. He whooshed back to the front. Sweat beaded down my forehead. Fourth defeat.

"I WANTED to go visiting teaching!" He yelled at me. What?

As the crowning test of my strength, patience and agility, I finally got Eli buckled into his carseat. It was as if he was craving the restraint to bring his body back into control after our shopping experience because he instantly melted into the seat as soon as he was clicked in.

"I wanted a sucker." He moaned to me. "But I was a naughty boy."
"You made a sad choice, didn't you, Eli?" I said, trying to fully utilize this teaching opportunity.
"Yes. I'll be a good boy."
"We'll try again another day."

Another day faaaaaaaaar in the future.

Bouncing Baby Boys

When Eli was in his first year of life, Jeff would often bounce Eli on his knee and say, "Bounc-ing Ba-by Booooooooooy!" I thought it was adorable.

And thus we see where Eli's love of bobbing up and down comes from. You'll forgive me for basically only taking pictures of my kids on the trampoline, right? I can't help it. They are the cutest and the happiest and the most eager to pose for pictures while they are trying to defy gravity.

I need to give an update on the boys. Our lives have been a little hectic lately. I kept feeling like we were in transitional phases of life so I kind of lost our routine, schedule and rules over the past several months. Between busy season, babysitting for a friend for a few months and learning how to split my time between motherhood and my calling, everything kind of went crazy.

I kept getting frustrated because Eli seemed to be turning into a nutcase. Then I realized it was probably because he's always been on a really good schedule and we've been flying by the seat of our pants lately. I expected him to be unaffected by all these changes, but that was not the case.

I've instigated a Baby Bootcamp this week. Jeff and I sat down and came to a consensus on a few family rules so that we were both on the same page and could work on getting our lives back to where we once were.


The new rules are:

• Eli only gets his binky in his room. If he comes out, he has to give us the binky. He can have it as much as he wants in his room.
• The time that we put Eli to bed is going to be more concrete. 
• No more milk for Eli at bedtime because we are *drumroll please* FINALLY potty training Eli completely. Meaning even at night and nap time.
• Toys must be picked up in the backyard. It was kind of becoming a junkyard back there.
• If we say no or yes to Eli, that is final, so we are going to be more thoughtful when telling him no or yes.

So far so good! Sure, we're only two days in, but Eli already seems to be appreciating the structure that has returned to our house. 

I realized I never gave an update of what Carson has been up to at his 1-year mark, so here are a few of Carson's milestones lately:

• He says "dada" and even "Daddy" all the time. He will say "Mama" on rare occassions like when Eli is nearly strangling him to death but he usually limits his Mama usages to life and death situations. He said "Bye, bye" the other day and he is starting to blab a lot of nonsense.
• He has been sick most of his life. I just went to the doctor and found out my asthma flared up which made me wonder if Carson has actually had asthma all this time. I plan to take him to the doctor to find out more about that.
• He is on a funny sleep schedule. He goes down for the night around 8. Wakes up around 8. Back to bed at 10:00 sharp and lately he's only been taking one super long morning nap. So he wakes up from his 10:00 nap around 2-3. It's crazy. The little boy who never slept is finally catching a little shut-eye!
• He loves to stick his hand into the toilet.
• He follows Eli around all day long and will cry in the morning until he sees Eli.
• He looooooves to be held. He is a very clingy boy. He's content to sit in my lap and watch Eli run around the house all day.
• He has started hitting. He has quick little hands, too! He thinks hitting is hilarious and I think it's a game for him right now, so I'm trying to fix the problem before it becomes something more.
• He is a great traveler. We just switched him into a new carseat (convertible that's currently rear-facing). He seems to like it.
• He switched over to cow's milk no problem.
• He still wakes up once at night. I will probably do sleep boot camp with him after our lives are in order from baby boot camp.
• He can do the motions to the popcorn song. He loves singing nursery songs.
• He is very sensitive. If he falls down or if Eli nudges him as he walks by, Carson has a come-apart.
• He loves bananas, chocolate chips, watermelon, carrots, broccoli, cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pasta, eggs and green beans.
• He chipped his front tooth! I don't really know what to do about that.
• He's such a goof. Jeff and I love to watch him roam around the house because he does the funniest things. He brings us so much joy!

Next up: Eli!

• Here's Eli's big news -- We decided to night potty train him. I hesitantly put him in underwear the first night, expecting to be up several times with a wet, screaming toddler. We all woke up the next morning dry and happy! He went all the way through the night without wetting the bed first try! It was so awesome. The next night he woke up around 11:00 crying. I took him to the bathroom and then he woke up dry again. Now if we can just figure out his refusal to go #2 in the potty he'll be officially toilet trained!
• He goes to bed around 9:00 right now. I want to work on making that closer to 8 though. He still takes a good 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon.
• He loves trains, cars, trucks, tractors and airplanes. He has also taken an interest in fishing.
• He was afraid of dogs, but has warmed up to them since Jeff's parents got a dog. He and Barkley are now good friends and enjoy playing "Blankie Chase" together.
• Eli loves cereal, mac and cheese, yogurt, strawberries, lunch meat, eggs and sandwiches.
• He just started doing this thing where he scratches his head and says, "My don't think so." When we say something he disagrees with.
• The conversations between his toy cars have become very advanced. He's got a whole soap opera going on between them.
• He loves doing anything and everything with Jeff. They are the best of buds.
• He loves books. Curious George and Dr. Seuss are currently his favorites.
• He is great at going to nursery, and he has had a few successful play dates with a couple of his nursery friends.
• He is so smart, persistent and stubborn. If he wants something, he will find a way to get it. My dad tells me to appreciate it because he's a leader, but it does get hard to parent such a strong-headed little boy! I do love his cleverness, and he's good about keeping me on my toes.
• To go along with his strong-headedness, he has recently started running out our front door every chance he gets. As soon as he's out, he runs around the corner of our street, completely out of eyesight. I have to chase him down anywhere from 3-7 times a day. We're working on getting a lock to put at the top of the door. 
• He is so active. Loves to be on the trampoline, running around, jumping, skipping, or throwing balls around the house. 
• He loves to color, do stamps, play with play dough or write with chalk.
• He also completely loves our phones, the computer and TV. His favorite shows are Thomas, Mickey Mouse, Super Why and Mater.
• He has so much energy, confidence and resilience. I am always surprised with how much information he can soak up and all the funny details he remembers. He is so fun to be around and we love having him in our family!

Now here's a slew of pictures. We'll start with Eli getting a gardening lesson from Jeff.

Children's museum. All his wildest dreams coming true.

 Carson's blurry chipped tooth.

 Bouncing. Always.

 I told him to smile at me and he did this.

 Carson was not harmed in the taking of this picture:

I laugh when I think back to not so long ago when he would try so hard to jump but could only get one foot off the ground. He's come a long way.

Crazy kiddo.

Here's Carson in the trying-so-hard-to-jump phase. Soon enough, my dear.

Eli found some cool shades one day.

Carson's pre-dinner meal. If dinner is on the table when Jeff gets home, you can bet this is the only way it happened.

I sang Thomas's theme song incorrectly. Eli was appalled.

The trampoline alone no longer suffices Eli's adventurous side. He now has to put a ball on the trampoline, jump onto the ball, which sends him flying every which way. I'm fairly confident we will be visiting the hospital this summer.

Eli often "accidentally" crashes into Carson. This was one of those attempts.

With Mother's Day, I've been thinking a lot about being a mom. I'm so grateful to be the mother of Carson and Eli. We have a lot of craziness. I have a lot of learning. But it really is the best, most rewarding and fulfilling thing I have done with my life.

My friend Kenz came over to my house for dinner on Monday. Eli was screaming the majority of the time. Carson had food splattered all over him and smelled like a dirty diaper even though he didn't have one. My kitchen sink was piled with dishes. There was food sprinkled about my floors. Toys strewn in the living room. Basically, we were in our true form. Hiding nothing for Kenz.

I fear the situation may have scared her away from motherhood. It's easy to see the dirt, mess and chaos that comes with child rearing. It's easy to complain about how hard it is. It's tempting to throw your hands in the air in defeat and say you actually don't really know how to raise the little ragamuffins. 

After joking with Jeff on a particularly rough evening, one of us said, "Why did we do this to ourselves?!?" That made me think. Why do we do this? Why do so many people have kids when you know they will bring with them the horror stories of diaper-smeared rooms, screaming through the night and tantrums in grocery stores?

If so many people are willing to put up with the tornado of raising children, it makes you realize there must be something super special about it. And to Kenz and anyone else who may be momentarily overcome by the craziness of motherhood, I want to make sure you know that it is special. 

The moment you hold a new, innocent, perfect little clone of your husband (let's face it, they usually look just like the husband), you fall in love. That little baby can do no wrong. You love every breath they take. Every sneeze is journal worthy. Every snot-faced kiss can melt your heart. 

And then they turn into toddlers.

But that's okay, too because suddenly they're talking. And you get the pleasure of hearing every hilarious thought they've been storing up for the past two years. They are so full of life and happiness and a perfect naiveness about the world. My kids are the best examples to me. My kids have taught me selflessness like no one else ever could. They are unintentionally molding me into the very person I want to be. 

I have come to learn about myself that I am not even very good with kids. I'm just not. I've tried to be but it does not come very naturally to me. Even so, I love being a mom. I am a kid person with my own kids because I know exactly what they need. I can see myself in them every day which is humbling and rewarding and makes me gush over their every move. Even with the screaming and the dirty diapers and the sink full of dishes.

So Kenz. And everyone else. Please don't be afraid of having babies. They are worth every moment of frustration. At Girly Girl weekend we talked about our moms and how they have influenced us. It reminded me that my job is so important, and that I will have a huge influence on my children. It is such an honor to be their role model and to teach them the things I know. I love being a mom. And I just wanted everyone who has seen how crazy my boys and house can be to know that I'm glad I "did this to myself." It is hard work. But that's how you know it's worth it.

End of stereotypical motherhood rant. Happy Belated Mother's Day. :)

Are Those My Genes?

I've lived the majority of my motherhood life with people shouting in my ear, "Your kids look JUST LIKE your husband!"

I always thought Eli looks like Jeff and Carson looks like me until our last trip to Cedar when we found a picture of 2-year old Jeff that looks *surprise!* just like Carson.

Do I get no credit for birthing these children??

After seeing the resemblance of Carson to Jeff, I took a deeper look at our firstborn. I saw those cheeks. That little nose. Those ears. Those eyes! THOSE CHUBBY FINGERS! I started to realize that baby Eli doesn't look like grown-up Sarah, but baby Eli looks a lot like baby Sarah!

After a little investigation and collage art, I have come to state my case that my children are, in fact, just as much mine as they are Jeff's. Here's the proof:

*Here's my favorite*

Happy Mother's Day! Whether you look like the mother of your children or not. :)

Boys and Dirt

My house has been misted with dirt ever since spring hit. I have two little mud magnets who I believe are conspiring against me and my mop to ensure the house remains forever powdered with the remnants of their afternoon adventures.

Lucky for them, I'm so excited it's spring that I can't help but smile each time I step on a loose pebble that has found its way into my kitchen.

Carson's new favorite game is unrolling all the toilet paper in the house. One day while I was rerolling the toilet paper up for the hundredth time, I thought, "I wonder if I'll ever miss this one day."

Will I miss the dirt and the crumpled toilet paper vandalizing my home? Are my kids going to grow up as fast as everyone tells me they will? 

Yesterday Eli told me everything that was on his mind. All day long. I realized I would miss the mess of toddlerhood as he raced in and out of the house leaving his trail of dust with every step. Then I got thinking about that dirt. And how the boys have left layers of memories about our house just like the dirt that seems to be forever embedded into my carpet.

So I took a moment to appreciate Eli's cuteness of wanting his Maters to join him in his TV viewing before wiping away the mess.

And Carson's first steps have sprinkled memories all over our living room.

The memories of bee hunting that has overruled any other spring plans is nestled in with the dirt in our backyard.

So for now we're talking and laughing and giggling. And hoping the teenage years hold off a little bit.

And I'm appreciating the dirt, scattered toys and unrolled toilet paper because I know it won't be around forever.

Confessions of a SAHM

Do you know people on the interweb call stay-at-home moms SAHMs? In the words of Bill Nye, "Well now you know."

I am a said SAHM. I stay home. Mostly all day long seeing as one child naps at 10:00, one naps at 12:00 and the other naps again at 2:00. Doesn't leave a lot of time for escaping the confines of our property lines.

Maybe it's the combination of the lingering winter, Jeff's busy season and extra stresses of everyday life, but I feel like I have been less than awesome lately. It's true.

Then I hop online and can't help but find article after article from all these moms who have life together. From the internet's perspective anyway.

Then I thought, what if, by some crazy chance, someone thought I had it all together when in reality, most of the time, I am feeling less than adequate to have the responsibilities of motherhood?

So you know what? I'm going to get real. Because I'm a little sick of reading about perfection, and I want to reassure anyone who could think everything is hunky dory in our neck of the woods 24/7 that I've done one or two motherhood "don'ts" and "shouldn'ts."

Here are my confessions. Disclaimer: I'm not depressed or sad or anything. I'm just figuring out I'm human, trying to do better, and maybe I'm hoping someone else will read this and realize they're doing alright in the mom department too.

1 - This whole post stemmed from this evening. Carson was crying and Eli was screaming after I put them down for bed. Everyone had fresh diapers on, full bellies, and I knew they were just tired. I conveniently chose to vacuum to drown out their cries. When I turned the vacuum off, there was silence! I've also been known to get in the shower under similar circumstances, and I've always had good results. It gives me a few minutes of peace and usually gives the kids time to cool off without me having to hear their whining.

2 - I fed Carson peanut butter and honey this week. Not supposed to do that until 1 year folks. That's still 3 weeks away. I didn't feed Eli peanut butter until he was probably 18 months because I was so nervous about it. I've let a lot slide with #2.

3 - Carson frequently gets bottles in his crib. Being up with two kids at night is a joke. I'll let the boy's teeth rot if it means I get 20 extra minutes of sleep every time he wakes up at night!

4 - I used to be so appalled when parents yelled at their kids. Back when I only had one kid. Since becoming a mother of two, I've been known to raise my voice. Quite a bit. Every day. Not proud of this one, and I try every day to do better.

5 - I put Eli in a diaper for his naps (still not potty trained for sleeping), and lots of the time I don't take his diaper off until the evening because it's so much easier to not have to worry about taking him to the bathroom. I take full responsibility for my laziness.

6 - My rule is - if the kids are happy, don't mess with them. So by golly, if Carson needs a diaper change, but he's happy as can be, I don't change him until he gets whiny.

7 - Dinner most of the time is spaghetti or tomato soup. That's on a good night when I actually get around to cooking dinner.

8 - If my kids are crabby and I really need to get something done, I keep them busy by feeding them  piles and piles of chocolate chips. Works like a charm.

9 - I hardly ever read to Carson. And he doesn't like to read books. And I feel like it's all my fault for not reading to him enough as a baby.

10 - Eli eats hair. Yup. He does. It's disgusting and I don't know what to do about it. (See #4)

11 - Eli started sucking his thumb, so the binky is back. He is an angel with a binky and I'm done fighting with him over stealing Carson's binkies. We'll wean them both in a few months. Maybe.

12 - I'm not an activities-type mom. Luckily for me Eli's super independent and can keep himself busy. Hopefully the rest of the kiddos follow suit because I am really bad at providing entertainment for children. (This picture is deceiving for this confession. Deal with it.)

13 - I bribe Eli with candy at Wal-Mart so that he stays in the cart. It only works occasionally. But I always cave and give him the candy anyway.

14 - We are a three-ring circus at church. Toys everywhere. Screaming. Crawling under the benches. Snot dripping down the kids' noses always. That's us. We are that family.

15 - Carson's whole diet is basically macaroni and cheese. We joke that he munches on other food just to sustain life in-between his macaroni-and-cheese binges.

16 - The kids don't wear pants a lot. Or ever. But you guys already knew that.

I'm sure there's more but that's all I've got for now. It was quite refreshing to "get real" on the blog where I always try to be cheery and optimistic. Which I still am. Really. I don't want you to get the wrong idea from this. And actually, writing this all down has made me realize I'm doing a lot right. And these problems are mostly miniscule. But regardless, we're not perfect, and you should know that.

Now tell me all your confessions. You don't get to judge me without showing your real side, too. :)

(Carson did the hand motions to the Popcorn Song for the first time today.)

Happy Sunday everyone.