An Eli Explosion

Jeff, Eli and I went out to eat tonight. We went to a buffet. We went somewhere Jeff had been craving for a while so I let him go and get his food first. While he was getting his food, I sat and stared at Eli. Eli sat and stared at me. Before long he gave me his best gummy smile with a little giggle. Our waitress filled our glasses and told me how cute my baby is. (She thought he was 10 months old.) 

Jeff got back so I quickly got my food. When I returned to our table, I began to eat my dinner like a savage animal. As I broke from my food to chug my water, I thought about the way I was eating. I wasn't on the verge of starvation. I didn't love the food. Why was I eating in such a frenzy?

Then I looked at peaceful little Eli. Our land mine. You see, one moment he is the ideal child with only sounds of happiness coming from his mouth. Then, without warning, we have an explosion of anger. An untamable scream. A tiny baby temper tantrum with a whole lot of temper bottled in a tiny baby.

So I am forced to scarf my food. And shower at lightning speeds. And constantly prioritize vacuuming, laundry, dishes and making beds because if my land mine goes off, time stands still until I figure out what his problem is.

Then I also realized this is how it all starts. I always hoped to be as selfless as my parents in the rearing of my children. Before having kids I couldn't really comprehend the concept. But as I now rush through my cleaning, getting ready and eating, hoping to finish before a baby tantrum, I realize this is what it's all about. Without my knowledge, my life has evolved to take care of my precious little baby. Temper tantrums and all.

So while I'm quickly scrubbing down my dirty house in five minute increments, I do it with a smile hoping Eli's land mines transform me into the selfless mother I strive to be.