Stories of Jeff Excell - The Outburst

Fall semester doesn't have too many breaks, so I was eager to escape up to my parents' house the moment I got out of my last class before Thanksgiving. Kenz and I usually drove up together, but she had to stay a few extra days to work, so I was riding solo.

I got about half way before I noticed a text message from a number I didn't have programmed in my phone. I don't remember what the message said, but if I had to guess based on the texter's texting history, it probably said something like, "I can see you."

This was a favorite phrase of Jeff Excell's. Leslie and I were just reminiscing of these stories and wondering why we weren't more creeped out by Jeff's frequent stalker impersonating. While some of these stories do sound like the beginning of a news report where the girls get murdered in the end, we knew Jeff's stalking was usually coincidental and always harmless/funny.

So when I saw the text from the unknown number, I had a confident guess of who the author was. What I was unsure about, though, was how this shameless stalker had tracked down my number. My questions of how he got my number soon evolved into excitement that Jeff Excell just so happened to text me mere days after I had realized I was twitterpated with him.

Quickly into the conversation, Jeff texted me a quote from the TV show "The Office." I thought I was so witty as I texted him another quote in response. This continued for the next three or four hours. (Yes, I texted and drove. And almost died several times. All in the name of love.)

When I woke up the next day, another "Office" quote was waiting for me. We went back and forth all week. Jeff is a master at remembering lines from TV shows, but I think it's time for me to confess I was running to the computer several times throughout the week trying to find the funniest quotes to woo Jeff with my sense of humor.

We eventually moved on to texting more than just quotes. Soon Jeff started texting me every morning. It was such a fun feeling to check my phone and always have a message waiting for me from exactly the person I was checking my phone for.

With all of those texts, and all that attention, I really started to fall for Jeff. Really. I had kept it a secret from my roommates because we were all friends with him, and I knew they would think it was kind of weird. But one night as Kenz and I were chatting before bed, I decided to break my Jeff Excell silence with, "So....do you think Jeff Excell is cute?"
Kenz, "Yeah. He is cute. He's so funny."
Me, "He's been texting me a lot."
Kenz, "....Do you think Jeff Excell likes you?"
Me, "I don't know. What do you think?"
Kenz, "Oh my gosh! I bet he does like you! I can't believe I didn't see it before. I bet you guys will date for a while and have a lot of fun. Like a little fling, but nothing serious."

Unsuspecting Kenz was unaware of the depth of my crush and the nerve she hit. At the time, she never would have guessed I was fishing for her to tell me Jeff and I would be in wedded bliss the rest of our lives and be so cute together and live happily ever after. So this happened:
Me, "WHY COULDN'T IT BE ANYTHING SERIOUS?!?"

Silence filled the room.

Kenz soaked in the "seriousness" of my Jeff Excell crush. Then ran out of the room to tell Leslie.