That One Time I Called Poison Control

I specifically remember my doctor warning me to keep all toilet lids shut at Eli's one-year checkup.

I also specifically remember shutting all the bathroom doors and toilet lids before I let Eli freely roam around the house last Tuesday. He roams now that he can walk. He's happiest that way, so I try not to interfere with his sense of independence.

Jeff came home. We had dinner. I gave Eli a bath and then let him do his roaming while I did important things like read blogs of people I don't know.

Then I noticed silence. And then I peeked my head around the corner to notice the bathroom door was open. And then I ran into the bathroom to find Eli splashing in the toilet with water running down his mouth and chest.

Eww. Oh my gosh. Eww. What do I do? Eww. Was there bleach in there? Eww. Why can't babies know to stay out of gross and toxic things?

My body acted on its own. Eli was soaped down and rinsed in no time and my mind was racing.

Right after we moved into our house we had some cleaners come to give it a nice, deep clean. They put something in our toilet that makes our toilet water blue and I'm not sure if it does much more than that. Except for poison my baby.

My main fear was that the blue mystery cleaner had bleach in it. So I did some quick internet research on swallowing bleach and, let me tell you, the results were horrifying. Never mind that everything I read involved drinking gallons of straight bleach at a time. I was in crisis mode and after scanning the extreme effects of bleach I quickly convinced myself Eli was dying of bleached intestines.

Meanwhile...Eli happily roamed the house seemingly unaffected by his toilet run-in. Jeff was out gardening only to be interrupted by a crazed wife saying, "Jeff! We need to take Eli to the hospital!"

I explained the situation. Jeff remained calm and collected. This is why we make such a good team. Or at least why he's good for me. I don't really know if my hypochondria is bringing much to the relationship.

We settled on a call to poison control.

They assured me Eli would likely be fine and the blue mystery liquid was just a detergent which I guess isn't too worrisome? The smile I heard on the lady's voice made me believe she could tell I was a first-time mom. I hung up the phone and wondered how I became the mom whose child plays in the toilet and I gave Eli an extra kiss that night grateful his intestines survived the scare.